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I wish I can start over my life, having a whole new life to live.





I want to leave everything behind but I can't. I know if I do, I will only leave people around me burdened.

21

Just twenty minutes ago, I have finally turned twenty-one.

If today were a few years ago, I would've been upset because there hasn't been anyone who congratulated me yet. But I've come to a realization, and have kind of anticipated, that today is just going to be another day. People (by this i mean the organization people) still give me tasks to do for tomorrow, appointment to discuss upcoming paper deadline, and the rest will probably go like it usually would. Shoutout to Google and Twitter for giving me cute layouts for my birthday, at least! Haha.

My heart has been beating in anticipation for no particular reason. But maybe, deep down inside my heart, I'm still hoping for anyone to remember my birthday. Still, I know better than holding onto my own false hopes. So, while feeling super kind of lonely, might as well pouring my feelings into some self-reflection post.

Last night, a friend of mine visited me for dinner. We were talking about organizational stuffs at fir…

keep struggling and you'll suffer from success

(nope, it isn't mean to be a pun on that bts tweet but it is inspired by that meme-worthy album title by dj khaled)

NOTE: this was made on may 26th :)

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so, today's a holiday and i've just spent (almost) the whole day in my room. and instead of studying for a final exam on monday, i decided to waste my time browsing stuffs totally not related to my academic interest. i don't know just how many stuffs i've searched about, my browser's history might probably look weird; from looking for shinee's promotional pictures for 'the saem' to nicki minaj and remy ma's intense beef this year.

but you know that saying (?) that some days happen just because they're meant to happen in such a way? or something like that, you know, some wise people would say. and i feel like today is just meant to happen like this. why would a college girl spending her day lazing around be meaningful? because you can find a meaning in anything.

from all the browsing i'v…

what could've been

"To burn with desire and keep quiet about it is the greatest punishment we can bring on ourselves."
- Federico García Lorca, Blood Wedding and Yerma
I will try to make this post as... cohesive as possible? This is something I've always wanted to tell but I have received some new information that may just change the whole context of this post.

Pining sucks. When you long for someone yet you cannot do anything to cope with it? You just have to wait, and wait and look from a far. Pining has been the only thing I can do whenever I fall for someone; I seemingly cannot force myself to actually make a move, take initiative. I only watch from a far, waiting and praying for some kind of miracle. But isn't it the best one can do, to avoid any harm? To be quiet, to stay still and pray hard so that maybe, maybe God has His way to somewhat link us together.

Actually, it's kind of a painful routine. You are stuck in this room called "uncertainty" in which you just ga…

sarah recommends: springlike songs

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As spring approaches, more 'springlike' songs have come afloat. These are the k-pop songs that I've been listening to a lot lately. They sound similar to each other, and are nice to listen to during this time of the season. Without further ado, please check them out and take a listen! :)



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Would U by Red Velvet 
A midtempo ballad, it is officially the first song from SM's second season of STATION series. I really like the harmonization of the girls here, they sound very sweet and the accompanying piano-led instrumental is very pleasing as well. The lyrics are very cute, too ;_;






Week by Kim Chungha
A midtempo ballad by former I.O.I member, now soloist the love of my life, my princess Kim Chungha. I expected her to debut with an upbeat song, but this is perfect to test the waters, I guess. The lyrics took me by surprise, as it turns out the song is about feeling lonely and being still when everyone and everything keeps moving. At least that's what I got from reading the…

i should be doing something else, but

So...

I am currently going through my blog posts and oh my God, so many of them are very embarrassing. I literally cringed as I looked through them all. I've decided to delete several recent posts because I sounded really desperate in those posts. Not a good look.

I admit I'm not as excited about college life as much as I was then, as you can see through my 2015 posts-- which means, I was in my second and third semester then. As I grow older, I realize that I'm always one step closer to full adulthood by each day. Adulthood scares me a bit, and I've probably said something like this before. Thinking about it makes me enjoy my hobbies less; it makes me less happy, day by day. But, I also think that you always have to try to be happy. It gets more difficult to be genuinely happy as days pass, but eventually you'll find happiness in even the littlest things.

I remember Jonghyun's Esquire interview (as translated by @sullaem on Twitter) when he talked about wanting…

clear umbrella

Clear umbrella
she remembered, clearly; of autumn leaves, falling quietly, gracefully...
cracked, old concrete pathways, covered in shades of brown and yellow. the sky painted hues of grey, blazing ray of light nowhere to be seen.
the clear umbrella, she held onto tightly, her knuckles grew paler.
drops of tears, sky crying, piercing through, dissolves then.
waiting, she did. hoping, she did. praying, she did.
blazing ray of light nowhere to be seen.
the clear umbrella, she held onto tightly, dearly.
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2016/10/20